I can’t seem to connect to others

Attachment issues

Do you feel like you never quite manage to connect to others? Perhaps you want to have more meaningful connections, but feel fear when you try to do so? Do you alternate between wanting more people around, and dreading what that might mean in terms of risk, demands and pressure?

Perhaps you also do not quite feel safe in your own physical body, never mind around others too. Maybe you have a critical inner voice that repeats nasty things that were said about you, or hints at them through emotions?

Or do you find yourself having to explain everything, control everything, understand everything, living in your own head either intellectually, or maybe spiritually?

Do other people you care about cause you fear if they seem to pull away, even a little? Or do you find yourself avoiding them and taking yourself away when you do not feel well?

Is it hard to reach out to others when you feel in need of comfort? Do you find yourself being harsh to yourself and repeating the lack of care you experienced in the past?

Do you find yourself feeling fear from the past? Are emotional “flash backs” something you experience? Is it hard to leave the past in the past, the realisation you survived it not quite feeling real?

Are you scared that however well things are going, there might be a disaster waiting to happen? “Waiting for the other shoe to drop” or “one eye on swivel”?

If any of this rings true, the you are suffering from attachment difficulties as a result of developmental adaptation. In other words your psychological development did not run a natural course, something that is never the fault of the individual, but rather those around them or the environment.

Can it be helped?

Yes, attachment issues occur when the person adapts to survive developmental issues. Actually the survival is a kind of success, and the resulting problems are a left over from a successful adaptation.

Everyone deep down needs safe “secure” attachment, all humans, in fact all mammals need it. Patient therapy support can introduce and modify attachment styles until a secure method of attachment to others is possible. The process requires patience, and gentle change at a pace suited to the individual, but the issue is well researched and understood and with support change is very possible.

More on attachment therapy HERE