Middle aged and frustrated

The middle aged, frustrated angry man (or woman)

Typically presenting for “anger management” or “help controlling temper flare ups”, the middle aged frustrated and angry person (MFA) often presents as educated, caring and kind, with a lot of frustration and guilt about their occasional behaviours.

Anger Specialist

Anger Specialist

Behavioural clues

Often the MFA will report being “fine” for long periods, followed by semi-regular explosions of angry frustration, either at a time of drinking alcohol, or triggered by some small and relatively minor trigger, usually involving other human beings.


The MFA can come from pretty much any walk of life, but usually seems to be very good at trying to be positive. Perhaps they always try to please and help people, perhaps they feel they should want what socially we are told to want (social value norms). Whatever they do however there is a deep uneasy feeling and frustration.

People in their lives

Frustration is often vented on the people on their lives they care most about, as if they can really “get under their skin”. These people will report fear when another explosion is “due” and often have modified their own behaviours to try and avoid conflict.


Often the MFA will also have mal-adaptive (unhelpful patterns) habits, such as lifestyles with reduced hobbies, high stress, low personal time, drug use, drinking and or personal relationship difficulties.

Is it normal? YES

Although the exact contributing factors vary from person to person, the core problem is a gap between what the person is “living” and what their “core needs” are. This inevitably results in deep frustration, building up over time like a “mood sponge”, which every so often needs to release all energy in the form of volcanic anger.  It is common and is very systematic to address, although it often hinges on deep rooted personal identity themes.

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Key words
Anger, frustration, temper, anger management, stress, stress management, anxiety, depression, interpersonal conflict, mood sponge, temper tantrums, adult anger issues, anger counselling, stress counselling, couples therapy, psychotherapy, psychoanalysis, acceptance, mindfulness, Naikan interpersonal therapy, psychodynamic couples therapy, psychosocial factors, social value norms, not fitting in, not feeling happy, not feeling content with life, Edinburgh, Glasgow, Falkirk, Scotland

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